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moof's prattling


February 14th, 2002

Anger. @ 01:57 am

Current Mood: angry angry
Current Music: I can't listen to music when I'm this pissed off.

This was written to try and figure out why the fuck I get so angry at certain people...

My mom says that her dad carried around with him grudges forever - at age 80 he still bitched about things from his youth; she (although she wouldn't admit it) is the same way, as am I. I can remember very clearly things from grade school that I could still get pissed off about even though they're completely irrelevant to me today. (A corollary of this is that I also remember almost all of the mean things I've ever done to people.)

One of the things that really, really angers me are gifts-with-obligations. The "I gave you/did for you [something], so you owe me" sorts of things. If you're going to do something out of generosity, then give it and be happy. If you want something out of it, then say so at the beginning. Making a transaction look like something it's not is very very low in my book. Admittedly, this can happen often unintentionally - e.g. people who get involved with each other are notoriously bad at times at reading what the other wants and is expecting.

It's this sort of thing which really irritates me about birthday and xmas gifts... and especially "favors" which ain't.

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Date:February 14th, 2002 02:21 am (UTC)

My favorite kinds of people . . .

. . . are the ones who just give, and don't expect anything in return most of the time (and when they do, they say so) . . . and so giving back just comes naturally; instead of feeling pressured and annoyed I just kind of flow with the karma. I gave at least 20 holiday presents to people I like, this year, and got about four back, but I knew in advance that was going to happen, and I'm not big on needing returns. Used to be, but then I got a job, so Christmas is no longer the ONLY opportunity for me to obtain anything nifty at all whatsoever.

Now, my mother is very big on gifts with obligations. It's gotten to the point that when she offers me a ride somewhere, I accept on the strict condition she promises not to lord it over me later and use it as an excuse not to, say, chip in for my out-of-house food, or buy me toilet paper. Grrr.

moof's prattling