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moof's prattling


February 8th, 2002

(no subject) @ 09:56 pm

Current Mood: numb numb
Current Music: the howling of pain in my head

I was at the live-action game that I go to on Friday nights, waiting for things to get started and just walking in small circles aimlessly by myself when depression came crashing down on me. Everybody I wanted to talk to I had either already talked to or was busy off with other people and I was standing very much alone in a crowd of people. I tried to participate for a while, but then lost track of folks, couldn't find anybody, and so drove home. I was close to bawling in the car; by the time I got home, even though I curled up all foetal to try and assuage the pain, tears wouldn't come. I'm just sad and numb now, which I suppose is OK.

What I mostly feel right now is the aching in my stomach, a very palpable sensation. It's very similar to what I felt before passing out from to the physical pain in my ankle last week. It insistently hurts, acting as if there's something I should actively be doing for it, poking its way into my consciousness whether I want it to or not. I had wondered why my stomach had been vaguely achy all week; this may be why. I thought I was deeply depressed last Saturday only because I was shut-in and unable to be social; I suspect now that it was waiting to happen and it's re-emerging now. (It would also explain why I've been so listless and unable to concentrate at work, too.)

That's the other problem with chronic depression - you get used to the pain, inured to it, but it still hurts just as much. And occasionally crashes in all at once.

I can't sleep, I can't cry, I can't do much of anything right now; I guess I'll go watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games on the idiot box.

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Date:February 8th, 2002 10:29 pm (UTC)

We're here for ya, babe. Take good care of yourself!
[User Picture Icon]
Date:February 9th, 2002 04:03 am (UTC)
man, I was looking for you for a while, too! no wonder i couldn't find you.

*hugs* if you want company, find me online and we'll talk. i've been doing the depression crash thing lately myself, so maybe i could offer some knowing sympathy if you want that. i might be able to cheer you up for a little while too, if you want that.

anyways, I'm sorry you felt unwanted at game. I wanted you around! I'll want you around next game, too. There are political machinations that I'm putting into place that heavily involve your character, for all you'd have no idea of it yet.
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Date:February 9th, 2002 04:39 am (UTC)


By this time, imagine yourself buried in the hugs of worried friends.

I think it must be depression season or something -- everyone I know seems to be having a bad time of it, and I'm trying to keep on top of my own burnout. But next time you feel like that, or get stranded at game, call someone. Heck, call me (you can email me for my phone number), I won't mind, and I'll either be deeply sympathetic and caring or I'll make shy sardonic attempts to cheer you up.
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Date:February 9th, 2002 02:52 pm (UTC)
everyone's said what i would.


/repeat 51251346 <HUG>
[User Picture Icon]
Date:February 11th, 2002 09:44 am (UTC)
what tam said tenthousandfold. If you want someone to hang out with, its not like I ever do anything :>

moof's prattling