grand moof tarkin (moof) wrote,
grand moof tarkin
moof

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my year in review

It's the time to be reflecting on the previous year; here's my list of big milestones, of things I did and happened to me.

The good:

  • I've become quite close to phoebek and geecat; it's been fruitful and very worthwhile, even with the bumps and bruises along the way.
  • I filed for divorce with weezyl; she moved out here; and she and I have started to get to know each other again (in that order.) An emotional upheaval, but a very gentle one all things considered. I'm very glad we're friends.
  • I got to re-meet adoor, after three years of not seeing her at all.
  • I've started watercolor painting and drawing. I suck, but that's good.
  • Going to Hong Kong and wandering around there and spending time with my brother and sister (as adults) without my 'rents around was incredibly rewarding. In a similar vein, spending Xmas with Mom, Dad, and my sister and her fiance was calm and nice and good.
  • My self image has improved tremendously. I've lost 50 lbs (!!) since last year, I buy and wear frivolous underwear because I can and want to, I've started dyeing my hair purple again, and my posture is nowhere near as slumpy - I walk straight and tall.

The Bad: In a word: depression. It's written all over the past year of my LJ entries, it hit me everywhere. When everything came crashing down in late August to October I got suicidal quite a bit. Oddly, getting laid off wasn't that bad per se - but it was the proverbial straw. Ripping my emotional, social, and sexual identities asunder (on my 30th birthday, no less!) was probably my depressional climax, with my halloween cry as its denouement.

I think I've seen and realized a lot more about myself than I had before. Seeing a psych has helped, having a medication that works helps a lot, my friends help quite a bit. Losing weight has been a fulcrum for my self-image, too. I think I'm beginning to feel I'm able, allowed, and should do what I want and can and should express it.

Compared to the depression, the horrible searing pain of gout and accepting that it's going to be something I'll have to live with (and take medication for the rest of my life) seems pretty minor. Heh.

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