May 11th, 2017


(no subject)

I've been cleaning up the house, preparing for my sister to come visit and do touristy things, and been contemplating my requiem for living in San Francisco.

Unlike many, I've never been in love with SF. Perhaps if I'd lived here twenty years ago, when there was a bustling art scene and people were less scared shitless to lose their rent-controlled housing, I would have. I've appreciated some of the people and art and institutions - but at best, I've been "in like" rather than "in love". Some of the tech jobs here are quite good - but between the state of the industry and the deep scars Google has left (and which I still feel acutely), I'm not as eager to go chasing unicorns as I once was.

I'm not sure what would have to be different - either for the city itself or me - for me to be in love with the place. When I think of the other cities I have fallen for (Chicago, Austin, Tokyo) the mood of contentment comes to mind - and I really, really doubt SF will ever be content with much of anything. With my current mental state and sense of place, I could really use some comfort and contentment right now. (I'd also like to know what I want to do when I grow up or in the next five years, whichever comes first.)

It seems extremely likely I'll move back to Chicago for a while, to keep an eye on my parents and them on me; with luck, I'll be able to get into grad school and finish something for a change. If not, well, I can attempt to recuperate. (And try not to freak out about being completely uninsurable under this administration, ho ho ho.) Moving to Austin and going to school there is an outside possibility I would welcome, but have extremely low expectations for.

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