September 10th, 2016


funemployment ho!

Sep 21 is my last day at the company. Some of my coworkers said that they've seen an increased spring in my step since I announced I was leaving; some of my coworkers are freaking out; some are hurriedly scheduling meetings to get me to braindump. My manager has been very sympathetic and understanding, and has been supportive. Haven't talked to HR yet, and nothing's on my calendar, so don't know what's up with that. COBRA will be lots of not fun; I really need to start scheduling all sorts of doctor appointments Real Soon.

What I told my manager is that I'm tired, burnt out, want a long vacation, and that my plans thus far are to go sit on my ass, go be a tourist, visit Alcatraz, and generally be irresponsible for a long while. These things are all very much true. However, there are a whole lot of exacerbating factors. My depression has been particularly bad, and my (probably sperg-based) anxiety and irritability have also been through the roof. (Even just writing this has taken more fortitude than I had thought.) I don't like where the future of sysadmin seems to be going, and that's "mostly disregarded in favor of something like devops or docker on steroids, and not valuing how systems generally operate." I don't like how San Francisco - and the rest of the Bay Area, for that matter - has been turning out; I don't like living someplace where most of the people I know who ain't in tech are either mulling, in the process, or have already moved away to someplace they could afford. College students are having to commute for multiple hours to get to school, as they can't afford to live nearby. Artist lofts are but a dim memory; when the average 1br apartment goes for $3k, not many artists who ain't already in a rent controlled place are going to live here.

So, if I don't want to stay in my career, or possibly where I'm living, then what? Answer thus far: "buh buh buh buh buh". Maybe veer into InfoSec. Maybe take the GRE and try to connive my way into grad school despite not having an undergrad degree; maybe move back to Chicago and live at my parent's house and go to grad school if I do the former; maybe see what pals in SoCal are up to and/or how I like it down there. (At least one former coworker is at SpaceX right now.) Maybe try and figure out where I'll physically want to be in 20 years when it's a couple of degrees warmer and the coasts are even more flooded. I don't really know. If I magically became "fuck off" levels of wealthy, I might consider moving back to Japan and doing something with teaching English or videogame development or something - but short of that, it's unlikely I'd live overseas again. Psych care, and the meds required therein - much less "being fluent in the language to talk to one's doctors" - seems like way too insurmountable a barrier.

In the meantime, anyway, I'm hoping that going to sit on my ass for six months - the median time before I start to get cranky at having too much free time - will help clarify WTF I want to do with myself. I honestly have no idea what I'll be doing and where I'll be in a year's time.