May 1st, 2016


Labour day!

Or - Disco-tent 2: Electric Bugaloo.

After my boss left in January, newboss came in, got to know us... and then left the company at the end of March. He had been planning to leave for quite a while, and was worried that something like this would happen (i.e. his job prospects would come roaring in all at once) - and they did. As it happens, my new-new boss will be my old boss - the first boss I had at the $company (all praise the $company.) That had mixed results the first time around; I'm hoping it'll be better, but I'm feeling extremely cautious.

Part of that, admittedly, is burnout. I desperately need a vacation; I can't get motivated to do a whole lot. I'm going to Chicago from late May to mid June, which should be nice. My sister will be having a birthday party; there may be a sloth present. (If you're in the area and want an invitation, let me know.) It'll be nice being someplace with warmth and sun - neither of which San Francisco is known for.

Part of the burnout is also, in no small part, due to being hideously depressed and having no energy to do much other than "work, go home, sleep, repeat" - which, one would note, does not include things like "go out" or "clean the house" or "yell at various finanicial companies to get their shit together". While I'm not getting much in the ideation department (which is a small relief) having multiple dreams where I'm lying on the ground sobbing is neither terribly helpful nor restful. I was upset enough in one dream that it overcame sleep paralysis and I awakened to find myself spasmodically jerking around. The 'physical manifestation of emotional distress' thing is relatively new to me; I think it started somewhere around 2003, when the Wellbutrin I was taking did some sort of weird emotional integrative effect. Prior to that, it was even more difficult for me to figure out what my emotional state was - short of something blatant like "going fetal, jerking back and forth, and dropping my glottis enough that I produce two tones at once" (as one does.)

Still haven't come up with any bright ideas for where I'd want to move to, other fields to work in, etc, either.