September 3rd, 2012

sweaterchick

(no subject)

Well, I'm turning 40 tomorrow. All in all, it's been a rough decade: my first layoff, hideously bad depression where I dropped from 230 to 160 lbs, living someplace where I didn't speak the language, getting laid off several thousand miles from home, and the disastrous stint at Google.

The biggest highlight was probably my time in Japan; although it was rough to deal with someplace where I couldn't really communicate with the average person, I really enjoyed the culture quite a bit. It was oddly liberating to be indelibly marked as being an outsider and thus given more social allowances than I otherwise have.

Probably the biggest nexūs of the decade were my initial vacation in Tokyo which got me thinking about moving there, and the trans-Europe rally with eto_thiepi and chomp; the latter was not only quite the vicarious adventure, but also really cast into sharp relief my time at Google in London and how I hated nearly everything about it.

What do I see ahead? Well, looking back at my LJ postings from the prior decade (and man, it's so weird being able to casually talk about things from ten years ago), I still have a lot of the same issues with mental health and whatnot. It seems likely I'm going to be in the SFBA for the long haul: it's where my friends are, where most of the jobs are, and it's familiar. I suppose there's an outside probability that I could move elsewhere (back to Japan, elsewhere overseas, Seattle, etc) but those seem unlikely at best. I do admit that one of the big things preying on my mind is my decreasing mental plasticity; it seems harder to learn now - although it might be that I'm less inclined to do so, too. There's also the longer-term stuff looming (What do I do when I get old and grey with no chilluns to fuss over my gouty tophi? Will I be want to and be able to stay in my current nerdery career?) but I'm not exactly in a hurry to deal with those. And, as always, there's those fiddly bits about personal expression: is it "OK" for me to have nostril piercings now that I'm middle aged, or other so-called "extreme" things? (Well, it is to me - Blank Reg from Max Headroom was always one of my favorites - but employers might take a dimmer view of such.) It would be so much more convenient to live in a post-scarcity world; here's to hoping that actually happens.

As a closing note: I'm glad LJ is still around, despite its decrepitude and dodgy Russian masters; there's no way I'd post this on FB or G+, although I can't say for sure why I think that's so. I don't know of anywhere better for long-form personal reflection, though.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative