September 15th, 2010


country _and_ western!

Contrary to what I'd hoped, in my first week of unemployment I've gone out and about exactly once; otherwise, I've left my apartment for all of about half an hour, total. Instead, I've had a super-erratic sleep schedule, and a near-total ambivalence about doing anything. Because I'm S-M-R-T, it's "only" taken me a week to realize this is probably neither good nor normal.

My depression tends to come in two and a half flavors: low-level dysthymia, where I'm just sort of meh about a lot of things (this is the half); debilitating crawl-under-the-blankets-and-don't-leave, high mental trauma, super-emotional depression; and blunted affect/anhedonic depression, where I can go about my normal "required" routine (i.e. go to work, feed myself), but don't really enjoy anything, nor really care about much one way or the other. The first two I've gotten to self-diagnose fairly quickly, but the latter always sneaks up on me. It's also a fuck of a lot harder to get catharsis with the third, since it doesn't "feel" like there's anything to let out.

As I need to GTFO my apartment within 53 days (preferably, with somebody else living here so I don't blow $1800/mo on rent) and want to go travel Europe for a couple of months, I should really, really start planning/researching/etc things sooner rather than later. Bah! If nothing else, I'll finally get to the library on Thursday, as there's supposed to be beer at the Alwyne Castle that evening....
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