July 20th, 2010


3am eternal

It's 2:57am in Kyiv, with breakfast in five hours and a flight back to London eight hours after that, and I've been lying awake, thinking about work for the past three hours or so. I've been dreaming about work practically every night since I started on the trip.

I was going to write a long and involved description of how exactly work sucks, but I think it'll suffice to say that this particular job is almost exactly the worst possible set of conditions for me. (It's greatly exacerbated by the fact that I have lots of Personal Issues; I've been able to ameliorate them somewhat at previous jobs by being very sure of the work environment, the work itself, and so on, before accepting any kind of position and by being selective about which jobs to even apply for.)

When I get back to London (the prospect of which I dread), I'll try to start the process of transferring within the company and to move back to the SFBA - but at this point, I'm so thoroughly demoralized about my performance that I don't know if there are any groups that would have me, much less jobs for which I'm suited. It's tempting to just start scouting for jobs elsewhere without even trying to stay within the company.