April 8th, 2007


state of the moof

Before I get to my normal scheduled rambling, first some things about how Aspies (in general, and me in particular) deal with emotional expression.

I've been told that I'm a "low expresser" - that is, that I don't tend to emote very obviously, or in copious amounts. If I seem kinda standoffish, that's probably one of the big contributing factors. In a similar vein, if I'm quiet around people, it doesn't imply that I like or dislike them - just that I don't have anything to say (and possibly that I haven't picked up on the "oh, I'm supposed to exude friendliness right now" cues.) On the other hand, if I'm chatty with people - or, goodness gracious, initiate (purely social) conversation, it's a good sign I like them.

As far as talking about my emotions: when I do so, it's almost always a statement of fact and not intended to elicit sympathy or whatever else. It's often very specific, too; "I'm angry that you did foo" doesn't mean that I'm angry at you, merely that I'm pissed that foo happened. (If I were actually angry at you, I'd say "I'm angry at you for..." - assuming that I'd even mention it in the first place.)

So, then: I've been in one of my depressive funks for the last month or thereabouts. Why I'm depressed, I don't know; it's extra annoying right now because there's all sorts of social crap going on that I'd like to participate in, but just can't deal with at the moment. Dealing with people, even though I quite enjoy being social, is draining at the best of times - and when I'm depressed, it's really hard to deal with. (That I go into withdrawal, thus helping perpetuate the depressive cycle, doesn't help at all either.) I've been amazingly awful at responding to email, LJ comments, et al; with luck, I'll be able to clear out the queue in the near future.

And in the spirit of that pagan fertility thing that I hear is going on today: