May 16th, 2004

purple again

the weakend

Friday night, Kate came down for the weekend; we had dinner, she dyed my hair, and we watched the fine opus Frankenhooker. Yesterday, we had lunch, went to the mall, went to a bbq, had dinner... and then I collapsed emotionally because I couldn't handle it all.

I have an exceptionally low amount of energy for emotional and social interaction; I need alone time in order to recharge. The perverse part of it is I really want to be social, and often get lonely - but I sometimes just can't handle being around other people. It's frustrating as hell; not only do I want to go out, but I feel like I ought to be able.

The low emotional energy thing is one of the primary Asperger's symptoms I have; another main one is the inability to read social signals. I've learned how to infer a bunch of them, but when it comes to teasing or socially-oriented-jokes, I get flummoxed; I either don't know how to react or don't even notice them. I think the latter comes about when I haven't mentally associated myself with some group that does [something]. Compliments and flirting are still especially problematic, because I'm never sure if people are kidding or are being sincere, and what the implications of either are. In a lot of ways; I don't feel I'm someone who's "supposed to" get either of those; they're certainly never expected when they happen.

I'm trying to work up the energy to go investigate Fabrics R Us, but I'm so close to empty I don't know if I can; I may have to settle for laundry being the accomplishment of the day.

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