February 13th, 2004

tragic moof

bein' social, or not.

I frequently have two dueling impulses fighting in out in my head - to be gregarious and social and whatnot, and the part of me that knows I get tired out by being social, or driving to go somewhere, or dressin' up as appropriate. Lately, it seems that the latter has been winning. Being stressed out from work generally doesn't improve my mood or inclination to do anything much but hide and curl up at home, too.

It doesn't help that along with those things, I'm not outgoing, and I erect high social barriers for myself. The notion of talking to someone out of the blue scares the living bejeezus out of me, unless there's some decent amount of context/background I can grab onto. As far as the social barriers go... some of them are because I have a nasty tendency to wander over borders without meaning to do so, and have to be extra careful. This sometimes manifests in odd ways; like, while I prefer to greet people by hugging them, I ain't gonna do so to somebody unless they've made some explicit intimation that they'd actually want me to; usually, this means that they have to hug me first. In a related sort of way, if I hear about parties or "come over to my house" or much of anything else social, I definitely wouldn't go - or even mention the subject at all - without some sort of explicit invitation first; this especially sucks when lots of people talk about this big event they're going to that isn't an open invite.

I don't know if this is all real weird, just me, or something else.

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