May 29th, 2002

kill whitey!


When I get tired without realizing it, my behavior changes - my more hyper tendencies come out. My jokes make even less sense, I express myself less comprehensibly, I get mildly clingy, and fall into routines even if they don't make any sense. (On the other hand, my writing sometimes gets more structured - more subsidiary clauses, more 'this thought; another related thought resulting from the first'.)

I think that one of the reasons that I act like this is that I hardly ever mentally relax. I just don't know how to do it. If I attempt to meditate, it's a focused and hard nothingness, not a soft one. This behavior may be due to my wholesome midwestern values that say "It's terribly rude to be hyper - nay, disgraceful! You should keep a tight rein on it at all times, no matter what." Sleepiness is one of the few things that makes it slack up a bit, that lets things flow instead of just stutter along.

One of these days I'll start posting things that don't involve me bitching about things or being critical, I swear. :)
  • Current Music
    David Bowie, Ashes to Ashes