April 24th, 2002


apathy is the scariest emotion.

I was going to write something long and cranky about zero-sum games and how Unexploded Cow pisses me off, but it just didn't seem worthwhile. I've been getting that a lot lately (helloooo depression), but it's been distressing because it's been kinda emotionless.

I took Prozac for a while several years back, and it did stop the depressive feelings... but it also made me feel real numb, which bugged the living hell out of me. I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, but I think it's because of this: without emotional sentiment, things mean nothing. Lots of things felt that way - where I was living, what I was doing, my day-to-day existence. My drives have usually been pretty damn low; I don't often feel compelled to do things. (I wish I could figure out what my drives are.)

If you don't care, and aren't compelled, what left is there?

Sigh. I wish my emotions would stop whirling about so much, and that I could figure out what they were. Maybe tomorrow will bring new insight...

  • Current Music
    Gusgus, Polydistortion, Believe


It's finally getting to be Spring in earnest, where you can run around and lie in the grass with the sun shining on your face and go and explore and things start anew. I think I've been surly because I haven't been doing nearly enough of that sort of thing.

There's Heaps o' Stuff going on real soon, however - people coming in from out of town, games to be played, evil plans to be hatched, people to conspire with, and just general good times to be had; I just need to go and do them (and having friends means I'm much more likely to go and follow through.)

So many people, so many things, so much to see...

  • Current Music
    Soulwax, No Fun/Push It