December 17th, 2001



I almost always post before I go to bed, as it seems to be one of the few times where I'm tired enough to relax and just write and not worry excessively about getting my prose or cadence or content 'just right'; I really hate to have things that are semi-permanent (like journal entries) looking all messy or ill-thought-out or mispeled or the like. (IRC is different, because it's all ephemeral.)

My sense of vocal cadence seems to get better at night, too; I get more into the flow of intra-line rhythm and pacing when I'm tired. (I also sometimes think about writing poetry as well, so it's a mixed blessing.) In fact, I tend to do a lot of my sustained efforts at work best when it's past 2am and I'm tired and want to go to sleep but have an even larger urge to finish up what I'm doing and just get it done.

My pet theory for why this is so: I can't relax, so I have to get tired to 'let go'. I quite probably have ADD; this would explain why I've felt slow and relaxed under the influence of Ritalin and other relatives of the ephedrine family. It's rather nice to have the hamsters in my head stop running around and around in their wheel and take a break and go sunbathing or the like. (Why I'd have a sun in my head for hamsters to bask in, I don't know. Sounds vaguely like something out of my dreams.

Sigh. I was going to rant about my social obliviousness, but I'm not making enough sense to write about that currently; oh well, it'll give me something to do at work tomorrow.

  • Current Music
    Eno/Cale, Wrong Way Up, Lay My Love


Some relevant background before I start rambling: this article on skyrocketing autism in Silly Valley, and an autism test. Sorry, there aren't any bright and colorful GIFs suitable for display on a webpage. I got a 27; mean score for control was 16.4, 80% perecentile of those diagnosed with autism had >= 32. Most of the people I talk to online have somewhat high scores. But anyway...

When I interact with people on a social basis, it just doesn't occur to me very often that there may be a subtext for anything other than just conversing about something factual or concrete - like, flirting, or chitchat, or the general sorts of 'getting to know you' bits of conversation that people seem to engage in. Similarly, I'm honest an awful lot of the time because it just doesn't occur to me to lie. (When I'm prepared to lie, I can do so just fine.) Perhaps an illustration is in order...

The setting: I'm at a rave, there are lots of comely young'uns with attractively dilated pupils, and people are happily dancing their little hearts out or sitting around and chatting amiably.

What would moof do?® TM (T-shirts available)

  • A woman with expansive pigtails is trying to hoist herself up onto a cloth swing in the midst of the psytrancers frugging away.
    What does moof do?
  • Answer: help her politely up, attempt to help her hoist her skirt's waist up a bit when she complains it got caught and pulled down when she got onto the swing (it wasn't), and say "You're welcome" and walk off when she says "Thanks!"

It's not that I'm trying to be unfriendly; I just utterly fail to recognize when people want to be social and talk (even about nothing.)

  • Current Music
    bob mould, workbook, brasilia crossed with trenton