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moof's prattling

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February 23rd, 2013

a nightmare @ 06:22 am

The bigwig was in front of the entire company, giving one of his infamous inspirational speeches, walking around the lunch area to which we'd all been hastily called five minutes before. His speech, very lightly accented somehow - Israeli? SoCal? was soft and intense; he talked of great things and great people and the goals that lie ahead of us. He stopped in his tracks as his gaze fell upon a styrofoam cup on top of the microwave. He looked around the room very intently and started to talk again, his tenor changed. "I hope you see why I have to do this. I have no other choice, really. It's what I have to do." He looks down at me, and without a trace of outward emotion, says "You're going to have to go. I hope you see why." I look back at everybody who are doing their damnedest to avoid looking at anything and say, "Bye." In a single monotone everybody replies, "Bye." Satisfied, the bigwig moves on and starts talking again about Great Things. "Fuck you", I quietly say to the not listening boss - and then I wake up, my heart pounding.

Well, if you want to know how to induce terror in me, there you go: flaws or arbitrary behavior I don't know I have and don't realize is unacceptable, workplace and job, and in front of a huge mess of people. Seeing http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/Marissa-Mayer-Tells-Hundreds-Of-Remote-Yahoo-3898967.php today is probably related; I'm really glad I don't work at Yahoo! right now.
 
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From:sjp
Date:February 25th, 2013 09:06 am (UTC)
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Jesus, what an awful dream. I'm glad it was just a dream though.
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From:valree
Date:February 25th, 2013 10:06 pm (UTC)
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I have that too. And that fraud thing a lot of people have. I'm really tired of working for other people. Sorry to make this all about me. Glad it was a dream.
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From:moof
Date:February 25th, 2013 11:15 pm (UTC)
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I actually very much appreciate that kind of commentary. One of the biggest things I run into is going "Is this just me?" about various facets of my behavior; I'm extremely lousy at telling whether my behavior is 'weird' or 'completely normal'.
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From:valree
Date:February 25th, 2013 11:22 pm (UTC)
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I think many many people have these things in their heads, but the loudness of those voices varies. Mine's not hugely loud, but it's nearly constant. I guess I prefer that to occasional yelling.
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From:icis_machine
Date:February 26th, 2013 06:09 am (UTC)
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don't work at apple either. I hear that shit happened all the time.
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From:moof
Date:February 26th, 2013 06:28 am (UTC)
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Yeah, part of it was probably due to my coworker (who used to be at Pixar) telling Steve Jobs stories - e.g. whenever you saw Steve get in the elevator, you got out lest you be asked questions like "So, what did you do for Pixar?"

I didn't have dreams like this until working for Google, as far as I can remember. What a fucking nightmare.
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From:cheezaddict
Date:February 26th, 2013 11:02 pm (UTC)
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oh yeah the fraud thing, the Imposter Syndrome. I have it too. But I think the inexplicable sign of the styrofoam cup is the most telling part, what does it mean and why does everyone else seem to understand? My cheeks burn just thinking about it. So visceral. What a crappy dream!

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