grand moof tarkin (moof) wrote,
grand moof tarkin

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apathy is the scariest emotion.

I was going to write something long and cranky about zero-sum games and how Unexploded Cow pisses me off, but it just didn't seem worthwhile. I've been getting that a lot lately (helloooo depression), but it's been distressing because it's been kinda emotionless.

I took Prozac for a while several years back, and it did stop the depressive feelings... but it also made me feel real numb, which bugged the living hell out of me. I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, but I think it's because of this: without emotional sentiment, things mean nothing. Lots of things felt that way - where I was living, what I was doing, my day-to-day existence. My drives have usually been pretty damn low; I don't often feel compelled to do things. (I wish I could figure out what my drives are.)

If you don't care, and aren't compelled, what left is there?

Sigh. I wish my emotions would stop whirling about so much, and that I could figure out what they were. Maybe tomorrow will bring new insight...


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