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moof's prattling

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April 23rd, 2007

more of the same @ 05:25 pm

Current Mood: apathetic bah.

 
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From:amaninthemoon
Date:May 5th, 2007 06:13 am (UTC)
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I'm a couple of weeks late on this, but I had to post anyway.

I've had a miserable year so far, though as of today I think it's getting a lot better. Looking back on it, I have to say that no matter how miserable I was at any one time, I think it was the way I needed to be, given some unavoidable circumstances. Sometimes life is bad, and I need to react to that, usually with self-pity, withdrawal, and functionlessness. It's not that it's a great way to be, but if I pretend things are okay, I end up feeling like I've denied reality and myself, and that somehow feels worse and wrong. I've not been, or had, fun for the last few months, but I've been genuinely me, and I feel like I took care of myself.

(It's funny how pity is somehow both good and bad... to take pity on someone who is in a bad way is considered good... unless the person in question is yourself. Doesn't seem fair, does it?)
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From:moof
Date:May 5th, 2007 10:44 pm (UTC)
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For me, depression has come to be profoundly annoying. It's part of who I am - I have history of depression and alcoholism in my family, go figure - but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I wish it would go and sink back into the depths of wherever it hides, so I could go and engage with people and take pleasure in things, be motivated to do stuff, etc. But noooo. Instead, I have to force myself into doing crap.

I don't really pity myself, I don't think; I pity that my stupid biochemistry happens to act this way, and try to move the hell on. (It's been quite a long path to being able to separate out depression, ADD, Asperger's, etc, from "me".)

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