grand moof tarkin (moof) wrote,
grand moof tarkin
moof

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the squid sex dream!

I'm sick with a cold; slept for over fifteen hours, stayed home from work. Bleah. Gonna go back to sleep soon, I think; with luck, I'll be well enough to go into work.

Anyway, the squid sex dream:

After trying to bootstrap the unix source tools on a mac classic running MPW (a process that was just as boring as it sounds), I decided to get the hell out of the hotel I was in, and go to the lake. It was green and bucolic and peaceful, people sitting around and fishing. As I was walking around the edge of the pond, I noticed there was a quite paniced-looking little squid caught in one of the nets. It looked up at me with imploring eyes, so I lifted the net out and got it untangled. Instead of needing to be pushed back in the water, though, the squid started squirming off real fast. That was sort of odd, so I started walking in the direction the squid had run off in. There was a little blonde boy playing with his shovel and pail in the sand, but there was something odd about him; upon looking more closely, he had these weird growths coming out of his arm. Yuck! This freaked me out, so I tried to get the hell back to the hotel, but the area had already been sealed off; the child's mother, who had obvious tentacles coming out of her arms, came by and kindly told me that I was to be 'converted'. It seems that I had wandered into a little colony of aliens, their 'vacation home', as it were.

There was a somewhat boring middle part I don't remember, but they infused me with the alien DNA, and I started growing tentacles of my very own - and also started looking somewhat like Robin Williams, which was very odd. It seems that the aliens liked all sorts of aquatic creatures to base their DNA on - there were squid-forms, and dolphin-forms, whale-forms, and soforth. As the DNA-resequencing progressed, I kept my arms and hands (yay), but had additional tentacles coming out of my shoulder sockets as well. From the waist down, I was solely a mass of tentacles. At some point - I wish I could remember how - I hooked up with this really hot long-purple-haired chick with red eyes*; we started having sex by entangling our myriad of tentacles, which felt really interesting. We were gettin' it on, when all of a sudden she gets an utterly shocked expression on her face. As it turns out, the way that procreation happens amongst the alient-squid types is that males have special sex tentacles that have little pockets in them, where sperm is slowly accreted; the female can then use her tentacles to explore and 'taste' each little pocket, and choose the 'best' for her use. However, I didn't have sperm in my pockets - I had been storing up plastic explosive, so that I could blow up the base control station and keep the aliens from returning to Earth. While the aliens had chemical detectors scattered around to prevent what I was trying to do from happening, storing the explosive where I did prevented them from getting a whiff of the accumulated nitrates. Cute Alien Chick was sympathetic after I told her what I was up to, and suggested the best route to the control station.

I was eventually able to blow up the control station, with all sorts of neat chain-explosion effects, but I don't remember what happened after that.


* I'm an utter sucker for cute chicks with long-purple hair and red eyes. Not many of those around, sadly.
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