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moof's prattling


June 27th, 2004

asperger's, depression, my family, 'n' me. (long) @ 11:10 pm

Current Mood: aggravated agitated
Current Music: various mp3s from Bootie

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Date:June 28th, 2004 07:50 am (UTC)

hey, my dad only just learned to call it depression, rather than weakness...

sometimes it's all about the baby steps...which drives me up the fucking wall and can't be any better for you. it sounds a little (and boy, i don't know you're dad, so i'm just taking this as writ) like your dad is one of the many people who kind of end up using the term 'depression' as a catch-all for emotional and psychological problems that don't amount to psychosis. this strikes me as being not uncommon--depression gets a lot of press, and is relatively easy for people to understand, and particular to your case, has some similar effects as asperger's (say, social anxiety, the point you made most clearly in your letter--good letter, by the way). autism means a certain set of things to people, and you don't perfectly fit that (because, hey, functional), so your dad tries to put it in to words that he can understand and relate to. ah, semantics.
i think the doing well for yourself bit is about more than the job and the money--it looks to me (*puts on editor specs*) as if that was just really badly said. i gather that he's referring to your having done well for yourself by doing all the stuff you talked about in your letter--working on issues, learning about your condition and behaviours, and getting stronger, finding ways to be happier. i think that the money part was tacked on because you'd addressed the fundamental parts of you, and he, being a parent, basically wanted to make sure that you could eat. you're working on the brain and the soul, so he was just checking in with the body.
most of what i get from this is that your dad is really trying hard to reach you, to be listening to you, even if it's going to take him some time to learn the words and to fully understand. in the mean time, he's writing to you, he's telling you about prayer not to suggest that it will fix everything but because it's given him strength and made him happier, and he wants those things for you. he's trying to relate to you, to give you the things that are maybe alike between you, as a stepping off point for him to come to terms with those things that are new and different. he talks about the path he takes, because it's what he knows, and maybe it could work for you, but i don't think that he's suggesting that it's the only way. i can't imagine that he doesn't know that you're smart enough to work things out your own way, too.
and maybe i'm just putting words in your dad's mouth here, but if i had a kid, i'd love it, and if i wrote that kid a letter like your dad wrote, that's what i'd mean. plus, you know, the editorial experience of sifting through what people say to figure out what they meant to say. that's gotta be worth something.

moof's prattling