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moof's prattling

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May 9th, 2004

saturday stuffses @ 02:42 pm

Current Mood: melancholy eh.
Current Music: Harvey Danger, Save It For Later

I got more than 4000 spam over the course of Saturday; ugh. In more pleasant news, I went to the Fanime staff meeting; talked about various ConOps things. (I suppose I should tell seshat that I've added her to my friends list; I'm fairly sure that she doesn't know I know she has an LJ. I'm not really a stalker, I'm just drawn that way.) Parked by the lump of poo and got a ticket five minutes after the meter expired. Grrrrr. Had dinner with the ConOps people, that was a lot o' fun.

Picked up Kate from the train station, went to the disasterhouse party, saw a bunch of people I knew britgeekgrrl (for whom I forgot to burn the Angel CD), vvvexation (who I finally got to actually talk to, although I got skittish afterwards), angelbob, and bunches of other people I sorta recognize but don't know who they are. The party was rather more boisterous than the last one I'd attended; much louder, more crowded, etc. My biggest complaint would be that they didn't have enough Coke, but I also didn't bring any, either. Had to leave because I wasn't feeling so hot, but Kate kindly made my goodbyes for me.

An hour or two in, I started to feel very out-of-sync with what was going on. My Asperger's means that I typically feel pretty isolated and disparate anyway, but when the topics of conversation - and perhaps more importantly, how people are interacting - start to diverge from my mood and how I know to approach people... well, it's a downward spiral. Withdraw, mood goes down even further, lather, rinse, repeat. It's sometimes exceptionally awful 'cuz I can read people's emotional states pretty easily - but that can feed the chill of despondence: "Yes, people are having fun, and want me to have fun, want to bring me in - but I can't feel it, I don't know how to participate, and I can't even bear to look anybody in the eyes." I get to an utter loss as to how to feel or act.

Of course, there's entirely too many things going on for the next three or four weeks; it's gonna be hectic (but fun.)

 
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From:britgeekgrrl
Date:May 9th, 2004 06:36 pm (UTC)
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britgeekgrrl (for whom I forgot to burn the Angel CD)

That's okay - I'd forgotten that you'd promised it. :)
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From:tyrsalvia
Date:May 9th, 2004 10:27 pm (UTC)
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I almost went to the DHP last night, actually. That would have been funny to run into you there.
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From:vvvexation
Date:May 10th, 2004 02:20 am (UTC)
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I'm sorry our conversation got interrupted. That happens to me sometimes at these things. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have turned my attention so fully away from you if there hadn't been some things intruding upon it that needed resolution.
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From:savia
Date:May 14th, 2004 11:23 pm (UTC)
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I was just listening to NPR the other day and they had something on Asperger's Syndrome. I had no idea you had it.

Anyway, I often feel the same way at parties and other social gatherings. It's painful, sometimes almost physically so. I typically avoid them, even when it means missing out on seeing friends. Of course, this means I lose touch with people I like a whole lot (like yourself - hi cutie!). I'm trying to get over it, but I'm not sure if I ever will, really.



moof's prattling

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