seshat

Picked up Kate from the train station, went to the disasterhouse party, saw a bunch of people I knew britgeekgrrl (for whom I forgot to burn the Angel CD), vvvexation (who I finally got to actually talk to, although I got skittish afterwards), angelbob, and bunches of other people I sorta recognize but don't know who they are. The party was rather more boisterous than the last one I'd attended; much louder, more crowded, etc. My biggest complaint would be that they didn't have enough Coke, but I also didn't bring any, either. Had to leave because I wasn't feeling so hot, but Kate kindly made my goodbyes for me.

An hour or two in, I started to feel very out-of-sync with what was going on. My Asperger's means that I typically feel pretty isolated and disparate anyway, but when the topics of conversation - and perhaps more importantly, how people are interacting - start to diverge from my mood and how I know to approach people... well, it's a downward spiral. Withdraw, mood goes down even further, lather, rinse, repeat. It's sometimes exceptionally awful 'cuz I can read people's emotional states pretty easily - but that can feed the chill of despondence: "Yes, people are having fun, and want me to have fun, want to bring me in - but I can't feel it, I don't know how to participate, and I can't even bear to look anybody in the eyes." I get to an utter loss as to how to feel or act.

Of course, there's entirely too many things going on for the next three or four weeks; it's gonna be hectic (but fun.)