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moof's prattling

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November 30th, 2003

more lunchtime scribblings @ 04:45 pm

Current Mood: twitchy
Current Music: Pizzicato Five, Bossa Nova 2001, Hallelujah Hare Krishna

I slept in and haven't eaten yet, and now I'm feeling terribly hyper. It doesn't physically manifest terribly obviously; if anything, I might look slower and calmer than usual. Where it shows up is in the small fine movements: they're sorta jerky and aren't done with quite the right amount of force. It mostly appears in my arms and hands, but my gait can look a little weird, and my facial expressions can get a little twitchy. My hands hurt a little bit more than usual, from the restraint in keeping my arms from flailing about.

I feel like I want to explode and bounce around the room, or scream and sing "la la la la la la" at the top of my lungs - not that I can remember actually ever doing anything like that, even though I've felt those desire many times before. Instead, everything is locked down tight, even more restrained than usual. It's not something I do consciously; I've done it since I was a kid. I vaguely recall being slightly hyper when I was 2 1/2 or 3 - but after that, never. I only realized at age 14 or 15 that I clamped down on my physical movement when I get like this, and only a few years ago noticed that I did the same thing to my emotional state, too. I become more emotionally vulnerable when this happens, and I socially retreat from most interaction; I'm absorbing as much input as possible from every source I can, and can key in on the smallest of things. The overload swamps me. I feel drained.

Where does all this pent-up energy go? My mind races more than usual, and it's even more difficult to keep focus on any one thing. Sometimes I end up spewing all sorts of vaguely coherent prattle. I tend to make very broad (and sometimes bizarre) associations between things anyway, but when I get like this and the churn goes way up my chain of thought goes even wilder and wanders all over the map. It's usually considered socially unacceptable to flail about with hyperactivity, but blathering wildly is usually just fine. Even if it means that I become obsessive-compulsive over tiny things, and get waves of panic from being unable to deal with all that's going around me, and I act a little odder than usual - they don't really show, and so I don't make a spectacle of myself.

 
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From:icis_machine
Date:November 30th, 2003 04:49 pm (UTC)
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well, i'll be out at king of clubs tonight for karaoke.... if you wanna sing "la la la la"
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From:bolteroo
Date:November 30th, 2003 05:12 pm (UTC)
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I feel like I want to explode and bounce around the room, or scream and sing "la la la la la la" at the top of my lungs - not that I can remember actually ever doing anything like that, even though I've felt those desire many times before.

I compromise--I bounce around the room singing little "la la la" songs...usually adding a "weeee!" at the end.
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From:moof
Date:November 30th, 2003 05:26 pm (UTC)
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The problem is that I'm too incoherent to focus in on even bouncing around the room and singing; the bouncing would compete for attention with the singing and the desire to implode or explode. It's the "starving dog between two piles of food" thing; it ends up easier not to do anything at all.
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From:g_na
Date:November 30th, 2003 09:01 pm (UTC)
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When you get in moods like that, have you ever thought of doing something physical to wear off the excess energy? Like doing some jumping jacks or running around the block?

I know when my mind starts racing around and going off on its own, it often helps to distract my body with something else.
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From:kaligrrrl
Date:November 30th, 2003 09:50 pm (UTC)
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pretty journal. pretty...
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From:inoah
Date:November 30th, 2003 10:50 pm (UTC)
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Of course, I use irc as an outlet for my own wild blathering and ranting, because that way people who don't want to hear it can just put me on ignore. :-)

When I'm feeling physically antsy, I can usually channel my energy into doing something with my hands, even if it's not particularly constructive: twirling pencils, taking things apart, flexing my fingers and metacarpals. If someone makes me stop doing something irritating in public with my hands I end up wringing them fairly hard.

Do you get hyper from over- or undersleeping? I've noticed that I get rather fidgety in the latter case, perhaps as compensation?
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From:moof
Date:November 30th, 2003 11:19 pm (UTC)
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Part of it was I didn't take either my Wellbutrin or Strattera until about 4pm yesterday, and I usually take it around 9am. I think enough cleared out of my system to make me go kinda loopy, and all the extra sleep I got made things worse.

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