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moof's prattling

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January 17th, 2003

state of me @ 12:58 pm

Current Mood: sorta wistful

I wrote this last night around 1AM, but LJ didn't deign to let me post. It makes more sense as a middle-of-the-night writing.
Arrgh. I've tried to write this entry three or four times, but it's ended up sounding like I'm a preachy righteous ass every time. There's too much maudlin sentimentality, too many people who have the Worst Lives Ever and burble incessantly about it. It's difficult to express anything of a remotely emotional bent without it seeming like it'll zoom off in one of those directions of hyperbole. I've done the beat around the bush dance quite a lot, but I'm getting sick of it - and it never worked that well anyway.

With all that buildup, what was I going to say? This is the first time in quite a while that I've been sad without being depressed, and that I've been able to ask questions I knew I wouldn't like the answers to without similarly flipping out. I'm sad, for sure, but that's a rather dramatic improvement. I don't think it's solely due to the various bright-candy-like pills I've been taking, either.

That's it, nothing earth-shattering; just a short "I feel crappy but I think I'm doing better" missive.

 
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From:g_na
Date:January 17th, 2003 04:09 pm (UTC)
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It seems like there have been several times that you haven't posted what you've written because you feel it would be too much of something or not enough of another. But, why censor yourself? If those are your thoughts and feelings, then why not express them? Who cares what you sound like? You're not being judged here (or if certain people are judging, they shouldn't, and that's their problem and not yours).

Writing *everything* down can be cathartic. If it doesn't make sense you can still post it, or give a disclaimer, or keep it private so only you can read it. But don't worry about posting literary masterpieces; it's only LJ, after all ;)
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From:moof
Date:January 17th, 2003 04:24 pm (UTC)
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These days, I've pretty much been writing it all down. (Obviously, not much of it is here.) I'll be interested to see if I can read my own crabbed handwriting in a year or two. "Hmm, this squiggle could be 'elephant', but it also could be 'illicit'."

I guess what frustrates me is wanting to express the essence of something, but having it understood from the right perspective. So much of what's written is to jerk you around from one mood to another or to elicit sympathy, and seemingly very little that tries to say "I went from here to there because I was feeling this," without all the baggage.
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From:weezyl
Date:January 18th, 2003 04:52 pm (UTC)
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Just thinking good thoughts for the sreetpea.

moof's prattling

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