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moof's prattling

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November 14th, 2002

Two weeks later... @ 02:23 am

Current Mood: roiling
Current Music: REM, Pop Song 89

I've been terribly remiss in updating my LJ, especially after the wonderfully kind notes of encouragement you all have given me. I've attempted to write many times over the past fortnight something coherent to sum up what I've been feeling as of late, but nothing seemed to gel. This entry may not either, but at least it's something.


Posting that last entry made me realize just how divided my attitudes towards getting attention are. I've always been tremendously shy, and rather intimidated at meeting new people. Part of this is not knowing what to do with people's attention once I had it, and why - or if - I wanted it in the first place. Those questions are still mostly unanswered for me, but my self-worth and mental well-being is more tied up with it than I had admitted.

I helped throw a party this weekend, and indulged in MDMA to try and figure out where my seeds of doubt were sewn. Most of the depression I've had as of late has been triggered by social concerns, and so the party (where the floor was festooned with carpet foam and fluff and soft things everywhere, and every single person there was a friend of a friend - and likely under altered consciousness themselves) seemed like a safe and appropriate place to do so. I can't say that much in the way of firm conclusions made itself known; I did come back with the helpful tidbit that my fears, while triggers for depression, are not the basis of the depression itself (kinda oddly comforting), and the sense of emotional closure with Laura was also very gratifying. A friend said that I seemed more like me than I had for quite a while, so perhaps I'm coming to deal with things.

I went to see a psychiatrist today; I was quite happy to find out that she's not a pusher, and is interested in causes and not just symptoms. I'm trying Effexor XR, which made me really quite loopy for the first several hours, like I'd been up for 24 hours without sleep and started to get really punchy and wacky. There's still more than a bit of that left with my mood going thither and yon, but it seems to be getting more manageable. (Being unemployed and uninsured makes going to a shrink even more interesting, but I'll save the fiscal/insurance rant for later; that said, if any of youse merkins know of decent/cheap health insurance that covers psych visits, please let me know.)

Once again, thank you all for your kindness; it's helped (and is helping) me greatly with a tough situation.

 
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From:fonem
Date:November 14th, 2002 10:53 am (UTC)
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hi moof!

effexor got me out of a long, deep depression i had endured after being assaulted by a maniac back in 2000. it is mild and works pretty gently (at least it did for me). i had been a guinea pig for a while, on klonopin, xanax, paxil (horrendous! never ever take paxil), wellbutrin ( which gave me tinnitus) and finally, effexor. it did the trick. i do hope this works for you like it did for me and you do not have to run the gamut. of course you MUST have talk therapy continually along the way.

i am sending you a check as soon as i can find my checkbook (it's somewhere lost in the move) and I want you to take the money and go to Pearl Paint. Buy yourself some art things and make art just for you. please do this with my blessing and support.

okay well, if you ever want to talk about this, let me know. you are on your way out of the fog, my friend!
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From:fonem
Date:November 14th, 2002 10:56 am (UTC)
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also:

you can get free counselling from the city! i can find out for you how, you qualify since yo uare unemployed and uninsured. the quality of care is pretty good as long as you don't mind dealing with some ahem unsavory types in the waiting room.
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From:moof
Date:November 14th, 2002 11:24 am (UTC)
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The problem is less fiscal than "finding someone with whom I have some measure of rapport." If I really have to, I'll ask my 'rents and they'd cough up.

I need health insurance 'cuz of my gout, too. Sigh.
[User Picture Icon]
From:fonem
Date:November 14th, 2002 12:36 pm (UTC)
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you can go to my shrink whom i miss terribly if you want. she rocks the house!! i can refer you, give her a call. she has a sliding scale.

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From:sayre
Date:December 10th, 2002 11:37 pm (UTC)
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Hey there. Um, I'm trying to get my mum to start therapy so any recommendations in the area are welcome. Thanks.

Cristina
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From:moof
Date:December 10th, 2002 11:47 pm (UTC)
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I'm pretty happy with mine so far, Dr. Elena Labrada (650 329 9688) - but she's $185 a session. Ow. If you have insurance, and have one of the super-happy-fun parity disorders*, a large chunk is usually covered.

If it's out of your own pocket, you probably wanna get Ms. Sine's doc.

* schizophrenia, anorexia, pervasive development disorder, bipolar, panic, OCD, schizoaffective, bulimia, major depression
[User Picture Icon]
From:moof
Date:December 12th, 2002 08:37 pm (UTC)
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Oh, yeah, I suppose I should mention where she is: Dr. Labrada is in Menlo Park.

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