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moof's prattling

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December 20th, 2017

A nightmare @ 01:42 am

I was at a party or some other social event, when I spied an engineer pal's purse and was reminded of something I should immediately look up right then and there. I unzipped her bag, pulled out her iPad, and opened up Safari to look up whatever that all-important thing was. She saw what I was doing with her tablet and purse and came over; she said, "I see you've been doing something naughty!" in a kiddingly chiding tone with only a vague undertone of unease at her stuff being violated. I was consumed by overwhelming guilt, shame, and embarrassment - not only for the act of violation, but that I had done so completely unthinkingly and without considering people's boundaries. I started to go fetal and make that weird bi-tonal screeching thing I do at times of extreme distress, but didn't actually do so because I was also waking up. I think I'm still vibrating from the adrenaline, half an hour later; the rush is as unpleasant as always.

I don't know whether it's the lamotrigine I've started taking, overexposure to Dad (although I don't think even he would just randomly go through people's stuff without asking), or something just out of the blue.

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moof's prattling

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