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moof's prattling

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March 18th, 2008

I am a ball of fucking sunshine. @ 01:57 am

Current Mood: morose mopey

I appear to be smack in the middle of a full-blown major depressive episode, all right. I don't feel depressed, but sleeping for 12-16 hours on the weekends is a pretty good indication (as is the lack of motivation to do much of anything, the inability to concentrate at work, etc.) It doesn't help that one of the side effects I have is no small dose of self-loathing for being depressed in the first place (or as those kids would call it, "being emo"), nor does the knowledge that some people get mighty freaked and/or depressed when I talk about such (which feeds into my deep-seated worries of "am I babbling about things that nobody wants to hear, anyway").

tl;dr: wah wah poor me.
 
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From:merovingian
Date:March 17th, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
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Depression is very hard!

I know I've had periods of "Hey, I feel great, I just don't understand why I'm sleeping for 14 hours every day this week."

And self-forgiveness is hard to do sometimes.
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From:valree
Date:March 17th, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
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Don't worry Moofles, I feel like that a lot too. I think more people do than you realize.
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From:savorie
Date:March 18th, 2008 12:03 am (UTC)
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I read it. I'm sorry times are tough, sweetie.
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From:amaninthemoon
Date:March 18th, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
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Meh, it's true nobody really wants to hear about depression, but at the same time, it's certain nobody who knows you wants you to suffer in silence.

You are so right about the double-jeopardy of depressed thoughts. There's nothing worse than thinking, "I feel like a total fucking tool, lying around all depressed like this." I did it plenty last year. But what can you do? You do feel bad. It's not like you're some deliberately-emo teenager with a bad haircut and too much free time. You just don't feel good for some reason. Are you supposed to go grin at people on street corners? No. People sleep all day when they're down. They get fuck-all work done. They don't find anything fun. That's standard operating practice. There's no reason why you should expect yourself to be magically exempt from it. Sooner or later you figure out how to get out of the funk and then you do, but until you do, you're just being human.

I don't think I can tell you anything that'll actually cheer you up, but I do hope you can find something that can. You could always tell us what's got you down, if you know. There's nothing like distant people of various acquaintance to help you weed your emotional garden. ;)
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From:moof
Date:March 18th, 2008 05:47 am (UTC)
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Aha. See, that's one of the things that's so goddamned frustrating: I don't think there is anything in particular that's gotten me down. I've got some hints as to a few things, but they're pretty deep in my subconscious.

As far as the B12 goes: the major effect seems to be that it makes me break out really badly. Stupid keratitis pilaris!

Edited at 2008-03-18 05:48 am (UTC)
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From:aelfsciene
Date:March 18th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
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I finally made it to work at 4:30 today, after lying in bed and reading or sleeping all damn day. I was dressed for work and had a lunch packed, all ready go to by 10am, but just could.not.get.out.the.door. I slept and slept over the weekend, and yeah, don't feel depressed in the "I'm down" sense, but damn, can I not motivate myself to do a single thing.

Sorry to hear you're in the same boat, wish I could come by with a bottle of plonk or something to commiserate, but you'll have to take my sympathy and support from afar, instead. *hug*

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