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moof's prattling

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March 3rd, 2002

drinking and parties. @ 06:12 pm

Current Mood: quiet
Current Music: Blues Brothers, Sweet Home Chicago

Last night was Autumn's party, full of southbay types. For the first hour or two, there were a bunch of fairly loud people in the living room driving everyone else away. I got kinda bored (as there were few people I was interested in talking to, or people were occupied with gamerspeak) so I started drinking heavily to pass the time.

Around midnight or so, the booze had finally kicked in for most people - people were less loud, more cuddly, and generally more sociable. The gamingblather mostly went away, too. Some of the younger folks got a bit hyper and bouncy and less than coordinated, but nothing too bad. Relatively low Drama, which was nice - and then Lisa came up to me and asked me point-blank "Why haven't you added me to your livejournal friends list yet?"

Er.

While I'm usually all for direct questions and not beating around the bush, I sometimes get completely flummoxed how to answer things in a way that's true (because I really really hate lying) but padded enough for people to deal with - especially when people don't really want to know the answer. I frequently have complex answers to simple questions and try as I might to winnow them down, they don't get a whole lot simpler.

People tend to be damn protective of their writing, and of their style in particular - and lately, I've had a fucking awful track record with trying to criticially analyze writing or discussions. People just get all up in arms, they think it's a personal attack, they get all emotional, they make a big stink, and I get amazingly fucking frustrated and pissed off trying to talk to them about it. It's an emotional landmine for a lot of people - and then when you mix things like livejournal in, where it's supposedly your inner thoughts and feelings and somehow a representation of your core of existence, saying you're not particularly interested in someone's writing is tantamount to utter rejection of that person entirely.

So how do you say "I just don't find your writing terribly engaging on a day-to-day basis" without it sounding heartless and cruel? I dunno, I hope that this drawn-out explanation helps somehow.

 
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From:the_wolflord
Date:March 3rd, 2002 07:56 pm (UTC)
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Speaking as on of the loud people in the living room the idea was to get people to get their nametags in a "silly" way to get them into the swing of thingsI guess we just ended up being "loud people" (read as obnoxious)oh well live and learn.
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From:tyrsalvia
Date:March 3rd, 2002 08:56 pm (UTC)
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Hey, it all seemed to work out fine, actually. The nametags tend to get people to mingle pretty well (thanks again to Ted for the idea!), so it's all good. Thanks for comming (both of you).

--Autumn
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From:moof
Date:March 3rd, 2002 09:17 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, the nametags were quite fun.

Were you still up for doing something Wednesdayish?
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From:moof
Date:March 3rd, 2002 09:14 pm (UTC)
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Oh, you weren't loud - it was the two guys on the sofa next to you (your left, my right, IIRC.)

I've also just been kinda surly all day today and yesterday, too.
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From:chainsawraven
Date:March 5th, 2002 05:14 pm (UTC)
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Hey! I was sitting next to him on his left! What are you trying to say?

Oh I get it! You have a personal problem with me! Well I will tell you a thing or two mister! You just wait, boy! Your not gonna like what I have to say! Oh boy is it gonna be mean spirited and hurtful too! I am planning it all out as I type this! Yes sir! You're really in for it now! Man! I am just gonna rip on you!!!

....

What was I talking about again?

:P
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From:amberite
Date:March 4th, 2002 12:33 am (UTC)

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No, you did a good job of answering the question. It bothered me that you actually had a reason and not just the 'haven't bothered to yet' that others have given (you aren't the first one I asked that question, since I've been being direct lately), but it bothered me in a fix-it way, and made me think, rather than making my brain turn off and go sulk in a corner.

And that's why I want to finish that conversation later, since it brought up some issues I hadn't previously realized I had, and telling me these things helps.

It may even change my life. That sounds overly dramatic, yes, but you made me realize that my general vagueness on LJ is a symptom of my attempts to conceal things from myself in order to avoid offending anyone whose opinions I care about. And I have to quit doing that, and accept that some people aren't going to like who I am, and hiding me won't help.
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From:amberite
Date:March 4th, 2002 12:38 am (UTC)
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Yes, replying to my own comments is lame, but I think I obscured my point again.

The point is, THANK YOU very much. I really appreciate it when people actually answer my questions and even explain their answers rather than saying something like "oh, I just don't like this" and requiring me to interrogate them for some decent constructive criticism. I wanted an honest answer and got one.

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