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moof's prattling

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May 16th, 2004

the weakend @ 04:10 pm

Current Mood: disappointed disappointed
Current Music: KSCU

Friday night, Kate came down for the weekend; we had dinner, she dyed my hair, and we watched the fine opus Frankenhooker. Yesterday, we had lunch, went to the mall, went to a bbq, had dinner... and then I collapsed emotionally because I couldn't handle it all.

I have an exceptionally low amount of energy for emotional and social interaction; I need alone time in order to recharge. The perverse part of it is I really want to be social, and often get lonely - but I sometimes just can't handle being around other people. It's frustrating as hell; not only do I want to go out, but I feel like I ought to be able.

The low emotional energy thing is one of the primary Asperger's symptoms I have; another main one is the inability to read social signals. I've learned how to infer a bunch of them, but when it comes to teasing or socially-oriented-jokes, I get flummoxed; I either don't know how to react or don't even notice them. I think the latter comes about when I haven't mentally associated myself with some group that does [something]. Compliments and flirting are still especially problematic, because I'm never sure if people are kidding or are being sincere, and what the implications of either are. In a lot of ways; I don't feel I'm someone who's "supposed to" get either of those; they're certainly never expected when they happen.

I'm trying to work up the energy to go investigate Fabrics R Us, but I'm so close to empty I don't know if I can; I may have to settle for laundry being the accomplishment of the day.

 
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From:djinneth
Date:May 16th, 2004 11:58 pm (UTC)
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Umm, I know what you mean, and this isn't said to invalidate your feelings.... buuuut...

That sounds like an awful LOT of stuff to do on a weekend. I'm guessing there was alone time with Kate in there, too, which takes emotional energy as well. Sure, you'd like to be able to accomplish more, but would't we all?

Although it is true that there is a finite amount of energy one has, it sounds like you have a lot more than *many* people I know. Don't be toooo hard on yourself.

*hugs*
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From:moof
Date:May 17th, 2004 12:23 am (UTC)
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Yeah, it's a definitely a bunch of stuff to have done - but I want to do it all! Now! Running out always takes me by surprise; it's as if the dimly flickering "you are about to come to a screeching halt" fuel light turns on with only thirty seconds warning. It takes me about two or three days to recover properly after it happens. (Mmm, extended wonkiness.) The craving for sociability doesn't even go away during that time, either.

I seem to process things a little strangely; if Kate is the person I'm actively doing things with - going to the mall, eating dinner, more lurid activities - it's about the same amount of drain, regardless of the environment. "Alone with somebody" doesn't seem to matter; it's that I'm interacting in person at all.

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From:kaligrrrl
Date:May 17th, 2004 06:38 am (UTC)
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awwww. *pet, pet*

hope you're feeling better.
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From:aceofkittens
Date:May 17th, 2004 05:08 pm (UTC)
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You are very hard on yourself. :( {{{{moof}}}}

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From:kaligrrrl
Date:May 18th, 2004 07:07 am (UTC)
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to cheer you up. I present you with a purple peep:

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From:moof
Date:May 18th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC)
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peep!

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